“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”
-2 Corinthians 12:9
I’m taking a break from the devotionals for a moment, because yesterday was a huge day for me.
I have some sort of acute anxiety and depression. It’s gotten better over the years but it’s always around, and yesterday was a breaking point for me. I had a big mental breakdown, and one of my friends helped me through it.
For years and years, I realized, I have been living in a way that is trying to pay for the grace that is given to me by Christ. I was trying to re-earn it. And it was causing me to be anxious and depressed, always hating myself because I felt like I was never good enough for God. Never good enough to be used, I always messed up so why should He bless me? I felt like I was a burden to everyone around me.
God gives us His grace freely. Not because we deserve it-and that much was true about my thinking. I don’t deserve the grace He has lavished on me. But I continued striving, continued searching for something that could possibly redeem me in His sight, in my mind. That isn’t true. There is nothing I can do to earn what He has given. Ever. I can’t earn God’s favor.
What ISN’T true was my mentality that I am too far gone for Him to pour Himself out on me, that I am messed up beyond repair and that I need to do something to fix it. That’s precisely the point! God uses our brokenness to His glory. HE uses me, messed up as I am, to bring an authentic gospel to those around me. His power is made perfect in my weakness. His abundant love is shown in my abundant tears, I feel His grace and mercy when I am just laying broken before Him.
I don’t know how else to say it. God is so good, His grace is way above and beyond what we deserve-but it is also exactly what we need to be able to find new life. It is more than we deserve but it is enough to deliver. I love my God, so much, for what He has done for me. Can you even fathom it? God, as a man, coming to die for us. For you. For me. He DIED so that we could have this free gift of grace.
Our God is so good.
I’m doing better, I’m taking it day by day. But I know that God’s grace is sufficient, and that even when I’m weak-He is able.